tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6278879873135131919.post752127573860919625..comments2023-04-12T05:54:06.606-07:00Comments on My Walk: Christ was Betrayed TooKilee Mariehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15244829278593680810noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6278879873135131919.post-77361480512881125852013-12-10T08:36:45.648-08:002013-12-10T08:36:45.648-08:00Thank you! That analogy with white knuckling was r...Thank you! That analogy with white knuckling was really helpful. I just struggle with it (the term white knuckling) because I hate it when people say white knuckling is unacceptable. I think it is an important part of recovery. They have to want to recover, which I think white knuckling is a manifestation of, at least in Ben's case. It isn't "true recovery," but it is a start. My husband is trying, just not always in the right way. It definitely reflects that analogy of staying away from the dark vs walking towards the light. <br /><br />His biggest problem right now is pride, and he recognizes that. We just talked about it on Sunday, actually. He still has this part of him that wants to overcome this on his own. And I understand that. There is a part of me that wants to overcome the pain of his addiction and the infertility and my back problems on my own, rather than turning it over to Christ. We both have some pride to overcome. <br /><br />As for his recent acting out... there was definitely pain involved. We got in a fight that made him feel stupid and frustrated with himself because of how he acted. Then he got depressed. And then after I fell asleep he let himself go.<br /><br />Thank you for your comments. Much to think about :)Kilee Mariehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15244829278593680810noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6278879873135131919.post-32249786575880574572013-12-10T08:30:03.007-08:002013-12-10T08:30:03.007-08:00Thank you! This was so validating and made me laug...Thank you! This was so validating and made me laugh, which was really what I needed :)Kilee Mariehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15244829278593680810noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6278879873135131919.post-17173440567300424752013-12-10T08:27:30.009-08:002013-12-10T08:27:30.009-08:00Sorry, one more thought. You mentioned that you w...Sorry, one more thought. You mentioned that you weren't even sure the difference between true recovery and white knuckling. I like to think of white knuckling as trying to stay away from the dark, while true recovery would be walking towards the light. It is not enough to avoid the darkness (addict behaviors, or anything sexual for that matter), but to turn around, walk away from the darkness, and into the light (the light of Christ).Rosiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14812521480845876818noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6278879873135131919.post-38125069158876601112013-12-10T08:23:39.136-08:002013-12-10T08:23:39.136-08:00Thanks for the wonderful insights.
And I agree ...Thanks for the wonderful insights. <br /><br />And I agree with the comment above. The fact that you had concern about stress leading to your husbands acting out leads me to believe that he is white knuckling it for now. I used to think this was a bad thing, but I think recovery STARTS with white knuckling it (lasting recovery, though, requires way more than that). I think the addict has to have some sobriety (or some brain function return to normal) for their brains to begin to comprehend this addiction and what it truly requires for recovery. <br /><br />I also believe that an addict doesn't wake up one day and have a 'slip' or 'relapse' (in this case, masturbate). There is always a pain that leads up to it. There is always several steps in the cycle BEFORE they even get to acting out. While I do believe your husband is trying, trying does not always mean true recovery. He may be trying with limited knowledge. He may be trying with addict brain. Does he truly understand the addiction cycle? After a slip can he look back at his behaviors and identify the feelings that led to the behaviors that led to the action?<br /><br />You are amazing! And if the ability to have children was a direct sign of having "worked out the kinks", or being better prepared, then most of us wouldn't have kids. I'm sorry if you have ever felt that way, or if anyone has ever made you feel that way.<br /><br /> Rosiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14812521480845876818noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6278879873135131919.post-86641241616459202122013-12-09T13:31:27.441-08:002013-12-09T13:31:27.441-08:00Okay, so many things. First of all, I think the co...Okay, so many things. First of all, I think the concern that a stress will come up and he'll act out tells you that part of him is still white knuckling (which you acknowledged). Part of being fully in recovery is developing other coping skills to deal with stress, and having confidence that those coping mechanisms will be used. If he is just avoiding stressors, he's not recovering. <br /><br />And the people who have said addiction is why you haven't been able to get pregnant? How dare they! How dare ANY of them! Do you know who knows the real reason why you haven't gotten pregnant? Heavenly Father. And He is not interested in punishing you, a precious daughter of His, because of someone else's choices. That is just not how it works. It both breaks my heart for you that anyone has uttered those words in response to your pleading, and it also makes me want to clock someone square in the jaw. Freaking a, people. No. Just no. That isn't why. Ugh. Amommyoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00470654647798070787noreply@blogger.com