Thursday, May 9, 2013

Giving up my will

Recently, I was faced with a challenging experience that really forced me to put my trust in God.

I like to think I am all-faithful and trusting in God, but when it comes down to it, I still have my moments of weakness and doubt. I still have my fears of giving up my will to do the Lord's.

I am happy to say that in the past 24 hours, I have grown quite a bit in the trust category, and because of my experience, I think I am ready to start step 7 on my next post. My lovely husband reminded me of Elder Bednar's CES fireside a few months ago. Basically, he reminded me that I can have faith to get what I want, or I can have faith to let go. The faith to let go and let God work His will is usually harder.

I might lose my job. I might lose the job that I have put so much time and energy into for the past few months, a job that I love and give a lot of service through. It's a job I was led to by God, so I was struggling with the idea of losing it. But, in the past 24 hours, I have come to terms with the possibility of losing it, and if I do, I know that it's not because of anything I have done wrong or that I am not good enough. If I lose my job, it's because that is not where God wants me. If I lose my job, I will be dedicated to figuring out exactly what God does want me to do.

I honestly don't know if I will lose my job or not. I was hired temporarily, with the knowledge that it could become permanent if the person who went on leave chose not to come back. That person is not coming back, but the job is open to the public. So I have competition for this job. Very strong competition, I am told.

I know that I am great at my job, and I know I have given a lot of service and done a lot of good through my job, but maybe God needs me elsewhere. I have put tons of effort in so if the job opened up, they would want me. My direct manager likes me, but the ultimate decision is up to a bigger board.

It's kind of scary... being willing to completely give up my will to do God's. But I'm ready. As I prayed last night, I felt God tell me that He will put me where He wants me, and I have accepted that. 

It's a very special feeling to realize that I am ready to give up what I think is best for what God wants me to do for Him. 

Next post, step 7 :) 

Ps, I had my second interview for this job this morning, and I felt really good about life afterward. I rocked the interview, but we will see. I am excited to find out. Because no matter what I find out, I will be pointed to where God wants me. 

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