Saturday, May 11, 2013

Step 7: Humility (Part 1)

I think step 7 is crucial to finding the peace and healing that the Atonement  can offer us. Specifically speaking, as a wife of an addict, I think humility is crucial to forgiveness and love.

Through the recovery process, I have fostered a lot of negative feelings towards my husband. It was especially bad in the beginning, but it has also cycled throughout my whole recovery. During the times when I have really been able to look at my weaknesses and see how they are holding me back from my full healing potential, that is when I have seen the most light and felt the most peace.

"Step 7 represented for each of us such total surrender to the Savior that many of us could not help but cry out in our hearts, as Alma did, 'O Jesus, thou Son of God, have mercy on me.'"

I need mercy. I need mercy extended to me in many ways to help me recover. I have needed help offering my will to Him. I have needed help overcoming my anger. I have needed help forgiving my husband and feeling peace. I have needed grace to help me live a new way of life: a life where I am not constantly trying to bring Husband down because of what is going on (yes, I'll admit I have purposely brought him down in revenge for him bringing me down... and then it always hurts me more to see what I have done when I have lashed out in anger). I have needed grace to help me live a life where I am focusing on Christ and trying to live as He would. When I have focused on Christ, I have felt much more peace.

I know that the Lord can't change me unless I let Him. I know He can't speak peace or healing to my heart unless I let Him in. I have to surrender my pride and once again admit that I can't do it on my own (and that when I have tried to, I have failed). Only He can bring me peace and healing, but He can't if I interfere and try to follow my will instead of His.

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