Anger

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Last night while I was studying my scriptures, I came across this verse:

3 Nephi 12:22But I say unto you, that whosoever is angry with his brother shall be in danger of his judgment. And whosoever shall say to his brother, Raca, shall be in danger of the council, and whosoever shall say, Thou fool, shall be in danger of hell fire.

This really hit me. Jesus is in the Americas teaching the Nephites. I've read a verse recently that talked about contention being of the devil. And now there is this verse talking about anger and calling people a fool. 

The reason it hit me so hard is because I have been incredibly angry lately. Along with my anger, I call Ben names in my head. A lot. Calling him a "fool" would be a nicer way of saying what I say in my head quite often.

A lot of the time, I feel justified in my anger. sometimes I actually choose to remain angry because I'm not ready to move on, or I want to prove a point to Ben, or I want make him suffer or something. But sometimes the simple fact that I'm hurt and upset translates into anger because it's a pretty easy emotion to feel and portray. 

This was a good reminder from the scriptures that anger is not of God. Anger is a masking emotion. It's also very addictive. When I feel angry, I need to process through it rather than let it sit and fester for days. I need to ask myself what the real, underlying emotions I'm feeling are. And then I need to process those emotions. I think it's okay to feel righteous anger, and, especially with the things I'm dealing with, it would be silly to tell myself I'm not allowed to feel any anger whatsoever. Anger is natural. But I have to work through it, and that's where the problem is. I'm getting to comfortable sitting in my anger and doing nothing about it, and I think the biggest reason I do that is because I want my anger to call out and make Ben miserable right along with me (Satan, anyone? Ha. Ha. Ha...). I know from experience anger is addictive, and I know the place my brain and heart can travel when I'm living in anger. 

So I need to work on processing my anger in healthy ways. 

Right now I'm trying to learn how to be happy and joyful on a regular basis. I'm working on feeling joy as my default in life, whereas right now anger tends to be my default. 

I'm trying to learn how to be free of the damage the addiction has wrought on me. I'm focusing on healing. And I can't heal when I'm fastened to the tether of anger. I have to work through the actual emotions I'm feeling and let go of the anger--give it to God. 

The healing I desire can't take place when I'm fastened to the anger (or when I'm constantly bashing Ben in my head--"Thou fool"... or worse). 

Trusting

So today I am reading in 1 Nephi 22, and verse 26 really hit me. It says, ". . . because of the righteousness of his people, Satan has no power. . ." It's talking about the millennium, but it got me thinking. What if we could be so righteous that Satan has no power over us? Right now. Some of you might think I'm crazy, but I think it's possible. It says in that verse that Satan will have no power because of the righteousness of the people. If I am righteous enough, couldn't I get to the point where Satan has no power over me?

Of course, it will take a lot of work. And maybe I wouldn't reach that point in this life or until after Christ comes again. BUT, my point is, we need to really work hard to become so righteous that Satan can't have power over us. I have experienced that on a smaller scale. As I have grown closer to my Savior, I am less inclined to do wrong things. I still do, but it happens way less often, and the power of Satan is not as strong against me as it has been in the past. As I grow closer to my Savior, I feel the protection of the Spirit stronger than before.

Right now, we are on step 3: Trust in God.

Trusting God is kind of simple (yet so complex, I know). Trusting God opens so many doors to bring the Spirit into your life. This step, step 3, was the step that really opened the door to have more protection from the Spirit. The more I trusted God, the stronger I got. As I trusted God, my relationship with Him grew, and I had the desire to do the things He wanted me to, such as study the scriptures every day, pray with intent every day, listen to the promptings of the Spirit and act on them. Because I trusted God and turned my life and will over to Him, I am experiencing many blessings that I would not have right now without following the Spirit and trusting that He would lead me where I am supposed to go.

2 Nephi 1:1 also made me think. In this verse, Lehi says how great things have come to them because of the Lord bringing them out of Jerusalem. Well, I can't even imagine how hard it must have been for their family to leave Jerusalem and go out into the wilderness. We know Laman and Lemuel struggled with it, Sariah did at times, and so did Lehi. I bet there were even times when Nephi struggled a bit. But, Lehi had faith and took them out into the wilderness, and after years, he is looking back and saying what a great blessing it was and how the Lord blessed them.

How did the Lord bless them?

Well, He spared their family from being destroyed in Jerusalem. He also spared their lives many times in the wilderness: like when Nephi was spared from Laban, when God helped Nephi find food when their hunting tools were all broken, God guiding them with the Liahona, and them being spared on the waters. He also worked miracles through the building of the ship and the revelation of the tree of life. They had many experiences in the wilderness to come unto God and be perfected in Him.

Yeah, their initial trial of leaving was hard, but they gained so much more by following the Lord. They gained closeness to Him. By following that revelation, Lehi received more. His knowledge was added upon. And Nephi also gained much in his spiritual quest while in the wilderness too.

We are all in the wilderness somewhere. My husband is in the wilderness as he overcomes his addiction. I am in the wilderness as I try to deal with my anger and other emotions. But as we trust God (husband turning himself over and seeking help in overcoming this thing that has consumed him for half his life, me turning myself over and seeking help in overcoming everything that is consuming me) whether it's in ridding ourselves of Satan or just by following promptings and revelation, we are added upon. We may not see the tremendous blessings yet, but we will.

Trusting God will never lead us the wrong way.  

I'm grateful that I can look back on all this and be grateful. I'm grateful for the other leaps of faith I have taken in my life recently, and I am already seeing the blessings come from them.

He is there. He knows the way. If we can put our trust in Him, we will go the right way, even if it's scary at first.

Dealing with Anger

I have been asked about kind of concrete ways that I deal with my anger.

Really, I would say that you kind of have to figure it out for yourself, but this is what I do, and you can use any of these ideas to help.

In the moment, I have to pause, and take deep breaths. When I get overcome with anger, it's some serious rage. Even the little things come with serious rage sometimes. Taking deep breaths helps get oxygen to my brain, and I can think a little clearer. I ask myself why I am mad, and is it worth it to stay mad? Sometimes, I decide it's worth it to stay mad for selfish reasons: I want my husband (or whoever) to really know that they hurt me, I want to make that person feel guilty, or I am too lazy to try to fight off the anger. Those three things are all qualities of Satan. When I am angry, I act like Satan. Wow. When I realized that for the first time, I got really depressed. Don't get depressed. It's part of the cycle of healing. Anger is normal. But, it's good to recognize the negative aspects of anger and try to overcome it.

If I have time and access, I write in my angry journal. Yes, angry journal. In this journal, I can write whatever I want. My husband will never see it. I might even burn it so my posterity can't ever see it. But this journal lets me rant out what I want to get out, AND, usually when I am finished writing, I realize that the reason I am mad or the way I am acting is stupid. Writing is so therapeutic for me. Writing helps me reason and understand myself. If you are artistic, you could do an art journal to express yourself that way.  Or both.

Praying is another crucial thing. Like I have said before, anger is kind of an addiction for me. When my husband is tempted with his addiction, he prays and asks God to help him fight it or to remove it for him. So, I have been really trying to do the same thing with my anger. It lets God see my submission, faith, and trust in Him. 

I also (somewhere) have a list of scriptures that help give me peace. So I can turn to them and find help that way. Or, I just open my scriptures and read the ones that are marked until I find something that really helps.

I started making a list of my favorite scriptures to post on here, but it is so long. So, here are some, and I'll add more tomorrow. These aren't necessarily specific to anger, but they give me hope and peace in general (and some are specific to anger too).

Psalms 27:1
Psalms 31:24
Proverbs 3:5
Proverbs 13:10
Proverbs 16:32
Proverbs 17:22
Mark 14:36
Luke 22:42
John 3:16-17
John 14:27
Romans 5 (the whole chapter is great, but the beginning through verse 11 is my favorite)
Romans 8:24-25