Saturday, April 12, 2014

Enduring Well

D&C 121: 1, 6-8

(my plea) 
1 O God, where art thou? And where is the pavilion that covereth thy hiding place?
6 Remember thy suffering saints, O our God; and thy servants will rejoice in thy name forever.
(God's response) 
7 My [daughter] peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment.
8 And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; and thou shalt triumph over all thy foes.

Yesterday I went to the temple. It was a beautiful experience--exactly what I needed. I found peace, inspiration, and guidance for many questions and trials I'm facing.

As I sat, studying scriptures and pondering, at the end of my session, I was led to these verses. They HIT me with full force. But the thing that struck me the most was verse 8: "if thou endure it well."

I don't know about you, but I put a lot of pressure on myself to endure things perfectly. I am a perfectionist, something I get from my dad and my controlling nature, and I have hard time settling for okay, well, or good-enough. I want perfection.

I put pressure on myself to get through all my trials with perfection. I compare myself to others suffering similar trials and wonder why they can do it with magnificence while I am here feeling like a chicken with its head cut off.

The thing is, everyone's trials and abilities are different. No one is the same. I can't compare myself to others or I will go crazy. I know that, but I still do it, unfortunately. The great thing about these verses, is it takes pressure off perfectionism. God doesn't want me to be perfect or endure perfectly. He wants me to endure well. He knows my situation. He knows everything I am facing. He knows my depressions and anxieties, and He knows how they affect my abilities. Well is relative to my situation and abilities. It's relative to everyone. Everyone's ability to endure well is different. 

Lesson learned? Stop comparing myself to others and just do my best with what I have to work with. God accepts my sacrifice. He accepts my enduring well. So why can't I? Patience, Kilee. Patience. 

Also, these trials are a small moment in time compared to the eternal scheme of things. Big sigh of relief. Perspective helps me get through one day at a time.

Accepting myself and my abilities to cope, along with learning how to become better through God, is part of my quest for wholeness. I felt whole at the temple. Nothing mattered except God, me, and my relationship with Ben.

One day at a time.


  1. I too struggle with much of what you've written here Kilee. I struggle less with the perfectionism aspect and more with the 'enduring well' part! I've been dealing with this for a LONG time--over 30 years!--and I will admit that most of the time--even since learning about recovery--I have NOT been enduring well! :( I struggle with trust and faith and anger and rebellion (not praying, studying scriptures, going to the temple, etc.) and resentment and in the past things like ridicule and feelings of disgust. And at times I seem to have to constantly and consciously fight off the depression and feelings of hopelessness too. Thanks so much for sharing your experience and the verses with us! I like what you said about the verses taking the 'pressure off perfectionism'! {hugs!}
    (aka tkme2mts)

    1. Thanks, Shauna! I too struggle with trust, faith, anger, rebellion, and resentment (each in varying degrees depending on the situation of my life at the time). Enduring is hard. So hard. I bet you are enduring well, though, in your own way. That's what I'm learning. God knows each of our situations, and He understands our heart and our pains. Keep fighting the fight, my fellow warrior! Love you! {hugs back} :)

  2. I get stuck in that place between enduring well and perfectly enduring. I'm not even sure where all the comes from. Maybe it is just so cultural to our faith. It is so sweet to hear that your temple experience was uplifting. Those kinds of days are very needful. Love you/Hugs

  3. I agree. I think it is the culture of our faith because we hear quite frequently that we are to become "perfect" in Christ. I loved the talks (I think it was the General Women's Session) where they said perfect in the scriptures means complete. So, we become WHOLE through Christ. Perfectionism is overrated ;)

    Thanks! Love you too!