D&C 121: 1, 6-8
1 O God, where art thou? And where is the pavilion that covereth thy hiding place?
6 Remember thy suffering saints, O our God; and thy servants will rejoice in thy name forever.
7 My [daughter] peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment.
8 And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; and thou shalt triumph over all thy foes.
Yesterday I went to the temple. It was a beautiful experience--exactly what I needed. I found peace, inspiration, and guidance for many questions and trials I'm facing.
As I sat, studying scriptures and pondering, at the end of my session, I was led to these verses. They HIT me with full force. But the thing that struck me the most was verse 8: "if thou endure it well."
I don't know about you, but I put a lot of pressure on myself to endure things perfectly. I am a perfectionist, something I get from my dad and my controlling nature, and I have hard time settling for okay, well, or good-enough. I want perfection.
I put pressure on myself to get through all my trials with perfection. I compare myself to others suffering similar trials and wonder why they can do it with magnificence while I am here feeling like a chicken with its head cut off.
The thing is, everyone's trials and abilities are different. No one is the same. I can't compare myself to others or I will go crazy. I know that, but I still do it, unfortunately. The great thing about these verses, is it takes pressure off perfectionism. God doesn't want me to be perfect or endure perfectly. He wants me to endure well. He knows my situation. He knows everything I am facing. He knows my depressions and anxieties, and He knows how they affect my abilities. Well is relative to my situation and abilities. It's relative to everyone. Everyone's ability to endure well is different.
Lesson learned? Stop comparing myself to others and just do my best with what I have to work with. God accepts my sacrifice. He accepts my enduring well. So why can't I? Patience, Kilee. Patience.
Also, these trials are a small moment in time compared to the eternal scheme of things. Big sigh of relief. Perspective helps me get through one day at a time.
Accepting myself and my abilities to cope, along with learning how to become better through God, is part of my quest for wholeness. I felt whole at the temple. Nothing mattered except God, me, and my relationship with Ben.
One day at a time.