BUT seriously?! Thank you all for reading it! I know it was long, and I really appreciate the feedback and support I received--in comments, emails, phone calls, and texts. Y'all are seriously the best!
I just wanted to take a quick minute to express how grateful and happy I am.
I have received so many tender mercies over the past week. To every single one of you who reached out to me in any kind of way, THANK YOU. To every single one of you who has been praying for me and Ben, THANK YOU. I have felt it. I feel very loved, both from earth (you) and Heaven.
A couple things that I want to share:
First of all, some things came up with Ben's future job, and he won't be leaving next Monday as planned. While that presents other potential problems, I am grateful to have a few extra weeks with him. Even though four months is a long time to be living without him (minus, of course, the times we are able to drive and visit each other), and I am grateful that it has become four months rather than five. Despite the other problems this latest development presents, I felt that it was a tender mercy. I was really stressing about him leaving, especially because, you guys, we have been doing so well over the past couple of weeks. I'm talking about our relationship. We are being more vulnerable with each other. We are communicating better. I feel strength. And I feel my love for him growing. The fact that I feel any love is better than where we were about a month ago.
The other thing I wanted to share with you is about the power of scripture study. Last semester, I really struggled with studying my scriptures because I was so tired in the mornings and couldn't get up. But then I was so tired from my long day at night, that my scripture study wasn't very fulfilling. It was usually just checking it off my list because I knew I needed to, but half the time I was too tired.
But this semester, I decided I will get up at 5:00 every day (okay, actually, I've been getting up at 5:07. But still) and shower, study my scriptures until 6:00, and then finish getting ready for school. There have been a couple of times that I cut my study a little short to take a quick power nap, but overall, I'm sticking to it. I've been dedicated, and I've certainly felt the power of putting God first every morning.
It excites me! I'm still fighting depression every day. I'm fighting demons. I'm fighting trauma. But I'm feeling more joy than I have in a long time, and I feel like I can make it.
That is all.
Oh wait, you can make it too! We're making it together.
Maybe it's also because I just got this bad boy in the mail last week. That does contribute to my strength. I feel powerful when I wear this shirt.
I'm laughing because I tried doing a flexing pose, but I just looked dumb. So I'll settle with my happy laughing face. Perfect for this post.
Do you feel like a room without a roof?