I've been absent this week. But I've had to put in about 10-12 hours per day at work, then fulfill my home responsibilities too. So, I have a lot I want to write.
Some of you might have found it kind of random for my husband to post what he did on Friday. Well, he had a relapse and was experiencing a lot of emotion, thoughts, and pain. I'm grateful for what he wrote because it's always nice to have an eye-opener and see some of what our loved ones are experiencing with their addictions. I love his attitude and his faith. He is such a strong man, and I'm grateful for his example in our home.
As I was driving home from work on Friday, I was thinking about the conversation I had with my husband during my lunch break. The full effects of his relapse hadn't quite hit me yet, and I had pushed aside all thoughts of it at work because I didn't want to have it affect my work. So, driving home, I kept my music off and just thought and prayed.
I am so grateful for this program and the healing I have experienced. A year ago, my thoughts would have been different. I was so excited when he got his temple recommend on Tuesday that I just had to write a post and share that excitement. So, when he told me about his rough morning, I was sad. But as I thought about why I was sad, I was able to more fully realize the healing that has taken place in my heart.
I don't consider this as something he did to me. I just don't. His actions affect me, but they don't have to make me miserable like they once did. I used to cry and cry and cry when this would happen. I would think about promised blessings that weren't being fulfilled, and I would think about the possibility of not living with him for eternity. But this time, I cried for him. I cried for all the hard work that seemed to have gone down the drain. He worked so hard to get his temple recommend and before we could get to the temple, Satan really worked him down. If it were me, I would feel like crap. Really. I might feel worthless and lose hope. So I cried for those feelings taking place in this man I love so much.
I'm not mad that I can't go to the temple with him. I'm so sad that he can't experience the blessings of the temple. We experience blessings from me going, but he needs the temple. He needs to commune with God. He needs to experience what only the temple can give you. And my heart hurts because that is prolonged for him now.
Despite what could make me feel horrible, I feel so blessed. I feel blessed that he told me. I feel blessed to feel compassion for him rather than anger. I feel blessed to have him by my side every week at church. I feel blessed to be married to such a faithful, stalwart man who is doing everything he can to overcome this trial in his life so he can live in eternity with God (with me by his side!).
And so, I'd just like to say to you all, no matter what the trial is, there is always hope. If you turn to Christ, there is hope.
To each of us our Savior gives this loving invitation:
“Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
“Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.
“For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light” (Matthew 11:28–30).
I'm so grateful for the growth I have experienced in this program. This 12-step program is a program to help us come unto Christ. It is a program that requires work, faith, and action, but everything is so worth it. I am grateful for the privilege to be a member of this church. I am grateful for a loving Father in Heaven who hears and answers my prayers. He does--every day. I am grateful for a loving Father who gives me hard trials so I can grow. He always helps me get through them, and afterwords, I can see that it was for the best. I am grateful for Christ who lifts me up. I am grateful that He carries me when times are tough. I am grateful for His Atoning sacrifice that allows us to repent. His sacrifice is what will help me live with my husband forever. As we both repent of our wrongs and draw closer to God together, we will be able to live with Them in Heaven. I am so grateful for that. I am grateful for the blessings of the temple and for the promises of our covenants.
I'm grateful to be alive. I'm grateful for this mortal experience.
And I'm grateful to you, my readers, who inspire me.