Thursday, March 7, 2013

Step 4: Truth (Part 2)

KEY PRINCIPLE: Make a searching and fearless written moral inventory of yourself.

"Through this inventory, we identified negative thoughts, emotions, and actions that ruled our lives. By discovering those destructive elements in our lives, we took the first step toward correcting them. Doing an inventory was difficult, but this step opened the door to the additional faith and hope we needed to continue our recoveries and overcome addiction."

I don't know about you, but I have many negative thoughts, emotions, and actions that rule my life. Well, I had way more a year or two ago. But still, negative thoughts, emotions, and actions creep in and rule my life. Today is living proof that. My day was one big blur of negative thoughts, emotions, and actions, and it ruled my day. No matter how much I tried to get over it. I'm still fighting it after reading my scriptures. But, as I think of peace and healing, I'm already feeling it finally dissipate.

The reason step 4 is intimidating is because you are making yourself vulnerable. The beauty of it is you are making yourself vulnerable to God. God is the one being who won't judge you. He loves you because you are His son or daughter, and He wants you to come back to Him. When you make yourself vulnerable to God, He helps you overcome your weaknesses and make them strengths.

I did this inventory. I have done it twice. It is the most cleansing experience I have had. I discovered destructive elements in my life, and I can testify that it truly is the first step toward correcting those things. As you turn your inventory over to God, He helps you see what you can do to make yourself better. As I realized changes I could make in my life, I realized my potential. As I realized my potential, I was filled with hope and faith. As I was filled with hope and faith, I found light.

Becoming more accountable for my actions was a beautiful thing. During the time that I was completing my first inventory, something happened in my life that wasn't crucial, but it really made me think about myself--who I am and what I am supposed to be doing. Let's just say it was an experience where I really did not treat someone well, and she should have been treated way better. After the incident, I felt horrible. I wrote about it in my inventory. I felt a lot of pain for being so awful while in the midst of my moral inventory. But, then I realized that the pain I felt for treating this woman that way was a good sign. It meant that I was more fully aware and holding myself accountable for my actions.

Eventually you will reach step 10, which is "Daily Accountability." In this step, you "continue to take personal inventory, and when you are wrong, promptly admit it."The way the steps work together is beautiful. Here in step 4, we start to take inventory of our lives. But as we grow closer to God and feel His sanctifying power in our lives, we can hold ourselves accountable every day. And we can be more in tune with the Spirit and recognize what He wants us to do.

Just remember, though, that this is a moral inventory. Moral is good. Don't just write about the bad. Don't make yourself feel awful because you aren't recognizing the good things about yourself. Write good things about yourself too. There is a lot of good in each of us. And, eventually, your negatives will become positive over time too. But yeah, don't write only negative or you will probably cry. Just sayin. I cried because I was way too harsh on myself. But it's also okay to cry. I probably would have cried anyway.

I'll write about how to do the inventory next time. Or you can read ahead because it talks about how to do it in the guidebook.

Love you all :)

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