I have a lot of hard days, but over the past few years,Mother's Day has risen to the top of the list.
My first Mother's Day as a married woman, I cried for the eternal family I wasn't sure about. Of course, I wanted to have children so badly (eventually. I can't remember if at that point we had seriously talked about having kids), but that was only about six weeks after learning about my husband's addiction.At the time, I was in a lot of pain, and the thought of children and eternity that I wasn't sure could happen brought even more pain.
Last year, we were trying unsuccessfully to have children.
This year, we can't even try right now because of my health problems.
We both want children so badly, and with the time spent trying unsuccessfully along with the time spent unable to try, Mother's Day is just depressing. Then I think about all the women who have unwanted children and all the children who are abused, and it is even more depressing.
I tried to make this day about my mom, rather than my lack of being a mom. I tried to be joyful and unselfish. I really tried not to think about the hard things I am facing and just focus on the sacrament and sharing the joy with the other moms. But... I had to go out to my car and cry for a little bit between sacrament meeting and Sunday School. I prayed with all the hope and might that I had in me, asking God to take away this pain today and to help me go in and face my Sunday School class without a tear-stained face. And you know what? He did. It was the most immediate answer to a prayer that I have received.
I am so grateful for the ability to have open communication with God. I know He hears and answers our prayers. Some answers come faster than others. Some answers we may or may not want to hear. But He always does what is best for us. I am especially grateful that He answered my prayer so quickly today and helped me to overcome the feelings of self-pity, despair, and selfishness I was sincerely trying to avoid.
So, to all you mothers out there, happy Mother's Day! To all you who are struggling with an addiction between you and what you had envisioned as eternity, to all you who are in that position and don't have children, happy Mother's Day! Life can still go on, and you can still find peace (and you can still raise righteous children with your spouse). Happy Mother's Day!