Sunday, May 5, 2013

Working on overcoming weakness

I have been sitting here staring at my computer screen because I feel like I should write a post. However, for a long time, nothing has really come to me to write. Then, I started writing this, and words from my favorite sacrament hymn came to mind, so I'll start there.

"Reverently and Meekly Now" (LDS hymnbook #185) is one of my all time favorites! Verses 3 and 4 are the ones that really get me:

"Bid thine heart all strife to cease;
With thy brethren be at peace.
Oh, forgive as thou wouldst be
E’en forgiven now by me.
In the solemn faith of prayer
Cast upon me all thy care,
And my Spirit’s grace shall be
Like a fountain unto thee.

"At the throne I intercede;
For thee ever do I plead.
I have loved thee as thy friend,
With a love that cannot end.
Be obedient, I implore,
Prayerful, watchful evermore,
And be constant unto me,
That thy Savior I may be."

I love this hymn because 1) it is written as if Christ was speaking. When I sing it or ponder it during the sacrament, I try to picture Christ there by me, speaking these words. 2) It's just beautiful. The words bring such peace and strength to my soul.

I'm getting close to being ready to move on to step 7. I'm still a little stuck on "Change of Heart," though, because I don't know if my heart is fully changed or ready enough to move on. Like I have said, I am struggling with a lot of different trials right now. I have many things running through my mind, but the main thing is: do I accept Heavenly Father's will for me? Do I want to accept His will for me? Do I trust that He does what is best for me?

The answers to those questions are tricky. I like to think that I accept His will. I do want to accept His will, but sometimes (and I'm sure you can relate), I really don't like His will. Sometimes, I don't think it's best, and I don't want to do it anymore. I know deep down that Heavenly Father's will is the best. I know He sees what I cannot see, and therefore, I really shouldn't complain about His plan for me. But, still, it's hard. It's hard to accept something that you don't fully understand or see. 

Sometimes I forget what the Atonement is all about. Sometimes, I forget that He suffered the pains I am suffering right now. Sometimes, I forget that He has felt this, and He did it willingly because He loves me. And, He would do it all again even if it were just for me.

I like this scripture it has in the "Study and Understanding" of step 6:

"Ye are little children and ye cannot bear all things now; ye must grow in grace and in the knowledge of the truth.
"Fear not, little children, for you are mine, and I have overcome the world. . ."
"And none of them which my Father hath given me shall be lost."
(D&C 50:40-42)

In that section, it tells us to re-write these verses so they are specifically addressed to us. When I did that, I felt so much peace and reassurance of God's love. These verses bring me a lot of hope and strength when I get discouraged. I am a child of God. I cannot bear all things now, and He knows I can't. But, He tells me not to fear because I am His, and He has overcome the world. If I am His, I won't be lost.

Step 7 is humility ("Humbly ask Heavenly Father to remove your shortcomings). Like I said when I started step 6, this step is preparatory to step 7. We just need to experience that change of heart and become "entirely ready to have God remove (our) character weaknesses."

I'm working on it. Some of my weaknesses, I don't really know how to live without. Living without some of my weaknesses is a scary thought. One of my weaknesses is anger. When I try to get rid of it, sometimes I still hold on because of silly reasons (for example, I want so-and-so to know what they did was wrong and really feel bad about doing that to me. etc.). So, I know I don't have to be perfect, but with my recent stresses and everything, I want to really feel like I am willing to give up my weaknesses before I move on to step 7 because I don't think doing it half-heartedly will get me anywhere.

Another one of my weaknesses is impatience. And. . . I really don't know how to get rid of that one lol. I need to keep praying and studying patience in the scriptures.

I hope you all have a great Sabbath!


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